I wasn’t going to make the subject of my blog solely about relationships but it just keeps coming up right now. Maybe I still have a few things to work out. Also, I read an insightful article about 9 signs You’re in Love with a Narcissist (Huffpost) and this would have been such valuable information for me a few years ago. I don’t think that I have ever been involved with such a complete Narcissist before so I made excuses for his behavior – which was further complicated by the fact that it was an intercultural relationship. This has caused me problems in the past as well – I am a compassionate and curious person and trained in cultural anthropology, so many times I try to do some analysis about the cultural context that I am living in (abroad), about adjusting to what that is part of the culture, what I can accept and whether it is a chance for me to expand my understanding of how others may work in the world. But, some things are not to accept and, by the time I realized it, I had already fallen under his spell. Loved him.
So, let’s call him Wolfgang.
Indicator #1: In the beginning they love bomb you – oh my bejesus did he love bomb me, I never felt so attended to and cared for. He was a master… pulling me close and interested in everything about me – expensive dinners, botanical garden trips to buy me my favorite plants. It was intoxicating. CHARMER.
Indicator #2: Grand, sweeping gestures are their strong suit – picking up the tab for dinners with others – always in situations to elevate status. There was always an ulterior motive and he would usually pick situations where he could get information, gain some control or leave the others feeling like they owed him something. I saw this build over time, but thought it didn’t apply to me. He made me feel like we were in it together. Sucker I was.
Indicator #3: They never admit they are wrong – NEVER. He would make an obviously poor decision, but was never wrong – and, more likely, it was my fault. I couldn’t even begin to defend myself, forget it – I was just the stupid, incompetent one in the end according to the world of Wolfgang.
Indicator #4: They’re envious of your relationship with others – Shit and shit again. I was such a fool as I allowed my friendships to be cast aside to spend all my time and devote all of my attention to him. Even my dog. I am not joking – she was left with a caretaker and when she disappeared, she was gone from my life. She was such a good companion and I basically abandoned her because he didn’t want the complication of a dog. This has been a difficult one for me to live with.
What was I thinking? More indicators and revelations in the next round. I have made myself remember enough pain for now. I hope that some of my insights might resonate with others….
 


Comments

09/03/2016 2:55am

This very informative, being a narcissist person is a great study that we have conducted, it was a year ago and I can still remember the results of our study, it surprises me a lot that there are weird factors that would affect or make someone a narcissist , I will share this to my family and friends and they will be surprise that this article is becoming a major topic in today's generation.

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Well, as much as possible just avoid these kind of people. If you think that they will not help you grow, just keep yourself away from them because it will not be heathery for the both of you. Unfortunately, more and more people are thinking of themselves first. It seems like we are losing the art of compassion for prioritizing ourselves. I think all of us need to see ourselves in front of mirrors and as if we are seeing the person we would want to be someday.

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01/19/2017 12:16am

This is a subject that we all should be aware of. I am glad that I have seen this and I will read this often. This is a reading that will surely open up or minds to the things that we should be giving attention at. Thank you for sharing this reading to us. Narcissism is a subject that needs attention

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05/08/2017 1:55pm

I don't think it's a problem for me. My girlfriend is not a narcissist. I am sure about it.

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06/15/2017 10:10am

I don't think it's a bad subject for your blog. I will gladly discuss that with you here.

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Your blog is pretty useful for me. Can't wait to read the upcoming posts from you.

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09/12/2017 4:05am

Nice, thanks. I needed such tips so much now. This will help me a lot.

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